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The last couple of days I have felt myself in sink back in to what feels like depression. Considering I’ve been clean of anything like that for nearing a year now, this is rather shit.
I am currently watching all my friends that I’ve made over the years finish college and move onto university and other places of higher education. I am more than happy for all of them but I’m also getting this sinking feeling from it all in that I should now be doing the same. But I’m not. Because I’ve dropped out of every single little thing I’ve ever done and am now paying the price for it. I’ve never finished or achieved anything and now I’m stuck in a factory job in the town I was born in while all my friends are moving on and going up in the world. I can’t help but feel like I’ll never leave this town and will probably die in it.
I was enjoying my job in the factory but am now starting to realise I was in fact just enjoying the luxury of having money again after 4 months of unemployment and the job its self is not fun at all.
I haven’t had a girlfriend this year either. Fuck, I haven’t even kissed a girl this year and while I’m not really one for centimental bullshit relationships I still can’t help but kinda wish I had one. In about a months time it will also be a whole year since I last had any form of sexual contact. While this isn’t particularly depressing, it is rather frustrating.
Basically, what I think it all comes down to is that I’m feeling pretty fucking lonely and everyone moving away and getting on with their lives is making me feel like I’m being left behind. My anxeity seems to be coming back pretty bad as well as the obvious depression and I’m scared. I don’t really know how to handle any of it, at all.
I needed to get this out some how and here is probably the least judging place on the internet. I’m hoping no one will take this as attention seeking and will just see it as it is. Thank you.